"Gonna Fly Now"

So, with a big boxing match coming up tonight (with an even bigger pay-per-view price tag), I thought I might take a shot at writing a promo for Wednesday's "main event" in the style of an ad hyping a big fight.  So here goes nothing:

WEDNESDAY NIGHT: IT'S THE BATTLE OF THE MILLENNIUM!!

It's been more than a decade in the making, but now the two greatest pound-for-pound gladiators in the world of teenage academics finally face off in one last epic battle*.

DUNPHY VS. PATEL - THE QUEST FOR VALEDICTORIAN!! AND IT'S ONLY AVAILABLE ON "MODERN FAMILY", AT THE HISTORICALLY LOW PRICE OF $0.00!!!!

9:00 PM - BE THERE OR REALLY BE SQUARE!!

*Unless they go to the same college next year...