“Tell Me What Do You Do When It All Falls Apart?”

OK, it's August – time to pick up the pace just a little bit.

Modern Family had their first table read (a sort of informal rehearsal) of Season 8 last week, and Ariel was there, so I guess we can officially squash the rumor that Alex would be written off the show (for now).

There's no word yet on what role, if any, Alex has in the opener (the tentative title of it is “The Tale Of Three Cities” so it might mean she and her family will still be on their New York trip) or the rest of the season, but I'm sure spoilers for those will come out in due time.

So now that the news is out of the way, let me go ahead and do something I mentioned I would do some time this summer – lists of the top “Poor Alex” moments.

It would be nice if there was never such a thing as a “Poor Alex” moment, i.e. no matter what the situation, Alex always wins.

But, of course, neither real life nor fiction works that way, and there have been many times over the past seven years where nothing goes right for her, and I've been left to exclaim “Poor Alex” yet again, usually with my eyes watering.

And yet, strangely enough considering how much I root for Alex on the show, there have been times when I've said it with at least a giggle and a wry smile on my face instead of a frown (and a tear or two), and sometimes the stakes of her being on the wrong end of things are too low to feel sad about it. And, in one case, instead of crying I wanted to throw something out of sheer anger at Alex's treatment. So that's why I have to have more than one list.

Let's start with the happy stuff:

List #1: My top funny “Poor Alex” moments

#5: “Man Shouldn't Lie”: Claire brings home a stray dog. Alex comes home with a rare dinosaur bone she bought as a present for Sanjay.  Even if you haven't seen the episode yet you can probably guess what happens next.


#4: “Halloween”: Alex's “punishment” for choosing studying over coming up with a costume for the haunted house? She gets to spend the evening locked in a cage (OK, it was part of a family “haunted house” theme, so it was funny not cruel).

#3: “Our Children, Ourselves”: Alex has all sorts of fun (not) bouncing on the trampoline as a forced break from studying. (OTOH, I wish Phil and Claire would have done something similar when Alex went overboard studying again in a later episode to come on the next list)


#2 “The Kiss”: Alex goes over to Jeremy's house to try and ask him to kiss her, only to find out the rest of his soccer teammates are there. She ends up (not surprisingly) running away, but at least she did get to keep some shreds of dignity by not screaming, at least until Haley informs her that everyone's been texting about it.


#1 “When A Tree Falls”: Alex's epic fail of an attempt to get revenge on Haley for an embarrassing picture posted to Facebook ends with her cellphone crushed at the wheel of a "vandalizer" and a second embarrassing picture. The funniest part was Alex deadpanning in the last private scene how that second picture of her on the highway ended up getting “593 likes and counting...”

And with that, so ends the levity. Now let's break out the Kleenex.

List #2: My top sad “Poor Alex” moments

#5 “Strangers On A Treadmill”: This was also basically the first really sad Alex moment in the show's history (really there weren't a lot in the first 4 11/24 seasons), when a failed attempt at getting a BFF left her sitting on the living room floor at the end bemoaning “I have no friends” to Phil and Claire.

#4 “Under Pressure”:¹ While the Alex moments in the best episode ever didn't quite approach the sadness levels of those in the top three on this list, the fact that practically every scene she had (save maybe for the opening cake mashing, but I'd still take the other side of any argument about that) had so much emotion makes this a must add to the list.   Especially the ending with her falling into Claire's arms in tears.

#3 “Queer Eyes, Full Hearts”: This was the episode I referred to earlier about Phil and Claire needing to keep Alex from neglecting herself in the advance of studying. They did nothing while she went sleepless for three nights walking around with a large textbook, until the heartbreaking moment when she finally came to them on the brink of collapse crying out “Read it to me, Mommy?” like a toddler wanting a bedtime story.

#2 “Spring Break”: Whereas there may have been a scintilla of comedy in Alex's breakdown in “Under Pressure” (albeit that scene was still much sadder than funny) there was nothing funny at all in her reaction here to getting rejected by Harvard, especially her rant once she found out that Haley and Claire already knew about it.


#1 “The Closet Case”: Basically, three words about Alex's breakup with Sanjay say it all - “I am alone”.  I'm glad they've reunited (for now) but that scene still gets to me.

And finally there's one other short list:

List #3: The “Poor Alex” Moment That (Still) Makes Me Want To Scream “HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ALEX!”

#1 “Crazy Train”: On a family train trip to Portland, a guy from the coach section sneaks into the first class section and strikes up a conversation with Alex. She goes back there to find him and it looks like they are going to hit it off and she's going to have a happy ending and enjoy her moments on the other side of the tracks (pun not intended)...

And then the writers go ahead and not only pull the rug out from under her by having him disappear and leave her hanging without saying a word, but then they try to smother her (figuratively) with that rug by having him steal her wallet. I mean, seriously? They couldn't at least give her some consolation at the end?

OK, that's enough ranting for one day...

¹Yes, believe it or not, I'm actually making a list where “Under Pressure” is not #1. No, I'm pretty sure the temperature in Hell did not drop below freezing.