No, I'm not going to pick apart any more past comments that blew up in my face (for now) - instead, I'm going to answer the question of which season's first, second, third, etc. episode was the best of all of the first, second, third, etc. episodes.
Each list is in chronological order - I'm not going to rank each episode in each group from 1 to 9 (1 to 6 for Episodes 23 and 24), but in each list I will highlight in green which episode of that group was the best, then make a few brief comments about the list (also, for the masochists in the audience, I'll mark the Alex-less episodes in each group in red). This is mainly because I don't remember a lot about many of the episodes where Alex had a minimal role.
Usually the best episode will be the one with my favorite Alex story or Alex moment within the group. However, there is one exception where the best episode wasn't nearly as Alex-centric as some of the others. Which one was it?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 1
Pilot
The Old Wagon
Dude Ranch
Bringing Up Baby
Suddenly, Last Summer
The Long
Honeymoon
Summer Lovin'
The Tale of Three Cities
Lake Life
As a whole, season openers have been
pretty meh, at least as far as Alex is concerned – only 3 of them
have Alex stories. (Yeah, as if that's going to be unusual as we go
along.) Even though things didn't go so well for Alex in “The
Long Honeymoon” as they did (at least temporarily) for her in
“Summer Lovin'” or even “Dude Ranch”, I thought it was the
better episode (especially with her story with Sanjay in “Summer
Lovin'” rendered moot just two weeks later).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 2
The Bicycle Thief
The Kiss
When Good Kids Go Bad
Schooled
First Days
Do Not Push
The Day Alex Left for College
A Stereotypical Day
The Long Goodbye
On the other hand, apart from the first
Alex-less episode in the first season, the second episodes as a whole
are probably the best group of episodes, and it's the only group that
has an episode with Alex's name in it (although it's not in the top
three, strange as that might sound). “The Kiss” was one of my
five most favorite episodes when I started this blog, and still would
probably be in the top ten (I'll get back to you on that list some
day) right now so it's the clear winner. “Do Not Push” and “A
Stereotypical Day” fight it out for second.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 3
Come Fly With Me
Earthquake
Phil On Wire
Snip
Larry's Wife
The Cold
The Closet Case
Blindsided
Catch of the
Day
A much weaker group, so “Come Fly
With Me” (Alex's first ever story) is the easy choice. If the
criterion was “Most Heartbreaking Alex Moment”, “The Closet
Case” would lap everybody a couple of times (Alex crying 'I am
alone' still moistens the eyes even three years later).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 4
The Incident
Strangers on a
Treadmill
Door to Door
The Butler's Escape
Farm Strong
Marco Polo
She Crazy
Weathering Heights
Sex, Lies & Kickball
Another less than stellar group – the
poignant 'I have no friends' moment for Alex (her first true
heartbreak of the series) puts “Strangers on a Treadmill” just
ahead of “Sex, Lies & Kickball” (not to mention again in the
latter an Alex story would be rendered moot shortly thereafter, as
she broke up with Ben the very next week).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 5
Coal Digger
Unplugged
Hit and Run
Open House of Horrors
The Late Show
Won't You Be Our Neighbor
The Verdict
The Revenge of Rod Skyhook
It's the Great Pumpkin, Phil Dunphy
Sigh. I gave “The Late Show” the
nod for its cute story with Alex babysitting Lily.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 6
Run for Your Wife
Halloween
Go Bullfrogs!
Yard Sale
The Help
Halloween 3: Awesomeland
The More You Ignore Me
Grab It
Ten Years Later
As much as I breathed a sigh of relief
that Alex's trip to the liquor store in “The More You Ignore Me”
(which I dreaded for almost two months at the time) didn't turn out
to be a bad game changer for her, the fact that it started her
dalliance with Reuben means I can't in good conscience put it on top.
And “Grab It” loses because I thought it was going to be a much
better (and much more emotional) story than it turned out to be.
Which leaves “Yard Sale” the winner somewhat by default.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 7
En Garde
Chirp
Treehouse
Arrested
A Fair to Remember
Queer Eyes, Full
Hearts
Phil's Sexy, Sexy House
Thanksgiving Jamboree
Winner Winner Turkey Dinner
Another short but highly emotional
story shows up here (Alex going to the brink of collapse from
studying for three days without sleep, including her memorable 'Read
it to me, Mommy?' line), but this time it's good enough to win, since
there's no “Come Fly With Me” in its way. “A Fair to Remember”
might have been better, except for the fact it was one of the rare
episodes where Alex did something I didn't like (her snapping at Luke
for costing her a best friend instead of commiserating with him as he
lost her as a girlfriend too).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 8
Great Expectations
Manny Get Your Gun
After the Fire
Mistery Date
ClosetCon 13
Three Turkeys
Clean Out Your Junk Drawer
The Alliance
Brushes With Celebrity
'You have your fans, I have mine.
Someday, your fans are going to work for my fans.' One of Alex's
most iconic lines gets “After the Fire” ahead of “Clean Out
Your Junk Drawer”, even if the latter was a much nicer story
between Alex and Haley. Make that story longer than it was and I
would have reversed the order.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 9
Fizbo
Mother Tucker
Punkin Chunkin
When a Tree Falls
The Big Game
Strangers in the Night
White Christmas
Snow Ball
Tough Love
This one's a tough call – at first I
was going to go with “When a Tree Falls” because it's one of the
funniest of Alex's stories, albeit a cruel one (ah, the innocent days
when we could laugh when something went wrong for Alex). But, in the
end, hearing Alex's (i.e. Ariel's) beautiful singing voice won me
over more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 10
Undeck the Halls
Dance Dance
Revelation
Express Christmas
Diamond in the
Rough
The Old Man &
the Tree
Haley's 21st Birthday
Playdates
Ringmaster Keifth
No Small Feet
This time the nice (and quite funny)
Alex and Haley story wins.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 11
Up All Night
Slow Down Your
Neighbors
Lifetime Supply
New Year's Eve
And One to Grow On
The Day We Almost Died
Spread Your Wings
Sarge & Pea
He Said, She Shed
Given how usually awesome the rare
sighting of an Alex and Phil story is, it should come as no surprise
that the best of that (all too small) bunch is by far the best of
this group. “Up All Night' does get a bonus point for being the
first episode where Alex got to do the closing monologue. “The Day
We Almost Died” gets several million demerit points for that
horrible makeover Haley gave Alex.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 12
Not in My House
Our Children, Ourselves
Egg Drop
Party Crasher
Under Pressure
The Big Guns
Clean for a Day
Do You Believe in Magic?
Dear Beloved Family
Another iconic Alex line comes in “Egg
Drop”: 'Give up – you're all just playing for second.' It does
help make that episode second best, but, of course, that's not nearly
enough to surpass “Under Pressure”.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 13
Fifteen Percent
Caught in the Act
Little Bo Bleep
Fulgencio
Three Dinners
Rash Decisions
Thunk in the
Trunk
Do It Yourself
In Your Head
Ugh – maybe it's fitting that the
unlucky 13th episode so far has produced the most
Alex-less episodes (4 out of 9). And the remainder aren't all that
great either. “Rash Decisions” is another episode that should
have been much better and much more deeper than it would wind up
being.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 14
Moon Landing
Bixby's Back
Me? Jealous?
A Slight at the Opera
iSpy
Valentine’s Day
4: Twisted Sister
The Storm
Heavy Is the Head
Written in the Stars
One thing I wish they would do more of
is give Alex stories where the family does not have much involvement,
to give her a chance to stand out on her own. That's why “Heavy Is
the Head” gets the call of this group – she actually had a rare
opportunity to interact with outsiders (her fellow co-workers at the
barista job she had for part of Season 8), even if she did get thrown under the bus by the coffee shop manager.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 15
My Funky Valentine
Princess Party
Aunt Mommy
Heart Broken
The Feud
Fight or Flight
I Don’t Know How She Does It
Finding Fizbo
Spanks for the
Memories
One of the few bright spots in a dismal
Season 9 for Alex, with yet another very good story between her and
Phil. That I barely remember much of anything about the other
Episode 15 offerings helps.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 16
Fears
Regrets Only
Virgin Territory
Bad Hair Day
Spring-a-Ding-Fling
Connection Lost
The Cover-Up
Basketball
Wine Weekend
Nothing spectacular here, but there are a few interesting Alex tidbits to be found. “Fears” was one of the first times we saw a more vulnerable Alex, fretting over not getting asked to dance at a school party. “Connection Lost” featured her interesting Yale essay. In the end, I went with the episode with another nice Alex and Phil moment (albeit far from their deepest ones – the story was more about Haley and Phil).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wine Weekend
Nothing spectacular here, but there are a few interesting Alex tidbits to be found. “Fears” was one of the first times we saw a more vulnerable Alex, fretting over not getting asked to dance at a school party. “Connection Lost” featured her interesting Yale essay. In the end, I went with the episode with another nice Alex and Phil moment (albeit far from their deepest ones – the story was more about Haley and Phil).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 17
Truth Be Told
Two Monkeys and a
Panda
Leap Day
Best Men
Other
People's Children
Closet?
You'll Love It!
Express Yourself
Pig
Moon Rising
Royal Visit
Strange as it
sounds, the Alex-less “Closet? You'll Love It!” is second best of
this group, when normally by default the Alex-less episodes would
rank at or close to the bottom. “Truth Be Told” would rank
higher if Alex didn't disappear after half the episode (yes, she was
cruel to Luke when she was there, but he started it). “Two Monkeys
and a Panda” suffers from having a less than happy ending (Haley
getting mad at Alex for something that wasn't Alex's fault) that
wasn't really all that emotional.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 18
Starry Night
Boys' Night
Send Out the
Clowns
The Wow Factor
Las
Vegas
Spring
Break
The
Party
Five Minutes
Daddy Issues
Alex's second most
famous meltdown (which had me “The Fault In Our Stars”-level ugly
crying as it was developing) easily wins the day. Now if “Five
Minutes” had been about seven, then it would be a lot closer.
Also, we're hitting the sweet spot of Season 6 – it doesn't win
every week from here on out, but it's close.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode 19
Game Changer
The Musical Man
Election Day
The Future Dunphys
A Hard Jay's Night
Grill,
Interrupted
Man Shouldn’t
Lie
Frank's Wedding
CHiPs
and Salsa
Even
rarer than an Alex and Phil moment is one between Alex and Jay. They
had a really beautiful scene at the end of “Grill, Interrupted”
which pretty much won the day by itself. The only downside was Alex
attempting to turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism for the second
straight episode (Ironically two years later in “Frank's Wedding”
she went to the ceremony dressed as a teetotaler due to a Phil
misconception).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode
20
Benched
Someone
to Watch Over Lily
The
Last Walt
Flip
Flop
Australia
Knock
'em Down
Promposal
All
Things Being Equal
Mother!
Say
it with me, again – another great Alex and Phil story. It's funny
and touching, but it also is a bit sad as it shows how Alex can be
forgotten easily as the middle child.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode
21
Travels
With Scout
Mother's
Day
Planes,
Trains and Cars
Career
Day
Sleeper
Integrity
Crazy
Train
Alone
Time
The
Escape
It
was not one of the stronger of the late Season 6 episodes for Alex,
but at least in “Integrity” she did get to shine a little bit
(actually I thought she went a little too far with her self-promotion
at times). And at least she didn't get her wallet stolen (among
other cruel parts) as in “Crazy Train”.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode
22
Airport 2010
Good
Cop Bad Dog
Disneyland
My
Hero
Message
Received
Patriot
Games
Double
Click
The
Graduates
Clash
of Swords
Another
very easy choice, perhaps the easiest – none of the other episodes
come close to “Patriot Games” (even the last three which served
as season finales). The only down note? This didn't lead to a
long-term relationship between Alex and Sanjay (yes, I still wish
they were still together).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode
23
Hawaii
See
You Next Fall
Tableau
Vivant
Games
People Play
The
Wedding - Part One
Crying
Out Loud
“See
You Next Fall” was actually the last episode produced for Season 2,
and it really should have been the finale. It's still a top five
episode (more or less), and yet, oddly enough, if it were the finale,
it probably would've only been the second best episode of that group,
losing to the least likely of all the winners, based on the main
criterion...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Episode
24
Family
Portrait
The
One That Got Away
Baby
on Board
Goodnight
Gracie
The
Wedding - Part Two
American
Skyper
Yes,
Alex had very little to do in the second half of Mitch and Cam's
wedding two-parter (she did have one very strong moment advising
Haley about Andy), and she's not the reason this episode is the best
of the finales (for the record, none of the last three seasons'
finales would come close either if they were in this group). But
from a pure quality standpoint, only “Goodnight Gracie” comes
close - however, even with a beautiful eulogy from Alex to her grandmother
I've never really been fond of that episode. "Family Portrait" is OK, but it's not very Alex-centric either.
And
don't even get me started on Alex's disappearance after just 10
minutes of “Baby On Board”, or that Alex was the only family member not
to appear in Luke's birthday movie for Jay in "The One That Got Away".
No comments:
Post a Comment