“Have You Forgotten Everything That I Wanted?” (“Baby On Board” Retro Recap)

One of the biggest (first world¹) problems of having to end DirecTV service last month was giving up my set-top DVR with all of my recordings, including over 150 episodes of Modern Family.  That is one reason why I've not gotten around to doing any retro recaps from the first five seasons this summer.  Until today.

Thankfully I have back-up, in the form of season passes on iTunes of all the seasons.  It's not perfect (even my kick-butt desktop can be a bit balky/freezy at times playing a video back) but at least if I get the urge to watch a favorite Alex scene or two I can do so.  Or, if I want to recap an episode that aired before I started this blog just ahead of Season 6.

So, since the post title has already spoiled it, you are probably asking, why this episode?  Why not one which was good for Alex?

The short answer: last week was a nightmare, and I need to get out some frustrations.  The long answer: we''ve had 10 seasons of Alex being treated as an afterthought, and I needed to get out some frustrations.

So, with that out of the way, here we go:

”Baby On Board” (Season 3, Episode 24, Originally aired May 23, 2012)

Interestingly enough, SpoilerTV still has a press release up for this episode after seven years (OK, you'll have to scan quirte a bit down the page since it was a general ABC release concerning all their May sweeps programming that year).  Alex's part actually sounded sort of promising:

”Meanwhile Claire and Phil have a proud parenting moment when they send Alex off to her first prom,...”

Until we get to the second half of that sentence:

”...but then that is quickly marred with Haley's shocking news of her future plans,”

Still, even though Alex isn't all of the story here, you'd think there would be at least something interesting for her, right?

And it does start out promising a deep story – we start with a scene where Alex comes back with a garment bag containing a dress she's going to wear for her first prom.  Of course, this being Alex, she does get mocked about what going to prom entails (and a bit of a creepy comment by Phil joking about the garment bag), whereupon she says she might just go and have fun and go wild on her date, including leaving her signature eyeglasses behind.

(One side note: I know juniors and seniors have proms, but freshmen? Is that a California thing since at my high school on my side of the country we only had them the final two years? BTW, no I did not attend either of them – I was already very introverted by then and had no interest in going.)

And then Phil tries to teach Alex how to dance.  He's not as bad as Claire was in “Fears”, but, I can't see him being a part of “So You Think You Can Dance?” either.

Shortly thereafter, we see Alex getting ready to leave for the prom.  She does follow through with her promise of not wearing her glasses (thankfully she safely descended “that” step – I'm guessing she was already having eye-rolling problems and was not wearing contacts), and I agree with Claire that she looked adorable – maybe it was because she wasn't wearing glasses but this was one of the few times I didn't think she looked awkward in a dress.

Alex doesn't agree, though, ("Adorable?  I'm not a puppy.') and she's even more repulsed when Phil tries to make the save by telling her she looked super-sexy (only one “Ew” though – she saved the six “Ew”/”Ctrl-Alt-EW!” treatment for rebooting a porn-infested laptop a few years later).

Which makes Alex more than ready to go as soon as her date rings the doorbell, but Claire insists on the big take a picture moment and meeting Mr. Right.  Which brings in Michael, a nice enough guy who, to put it mildly, isn't the most macho boy in the school (I'll let Alex say it in her own words shortly).  They take the pictures, and Alex and Michael are off.

And all of this was in the first 8 minutes (10 counting commercial breaks).  Even though there was now going to be more of a focus on Haley (who didn't want to go her prom that night) for the rest of the episode, surely at least there would be more for Alex, right?

And then...

And then...

Nothing. Nada. Bupkis.  Not even one more scene about how their prom night went², even in the closing montage where we see how all the other stories finish.

And the fact that Alex was out of the picture meant she wasn't even around to hear what was big news in the Dunphy house, that Haley got accepted into college.  No chance to react, either with happiness or sarcasm.

So instead of what could have been a chance to see Alex actually in a relationship moment, we got what I consider the prime example of Alex being treated as an afterthought (and there are far too many of those³).

Globally (i.e. within the context of this one episode) it's too bad – there were some strong emotional moments in the rest of the episode, but I hate this episode as much as almost any non-Alex-less episode just because I cannot get past the fact that they left Alex out in the cold and forgotten barely a third of the way into it.  That this was the season finale just makes it worse, although they sort of made that up to Alex a little bit the following year with “Goodnight Gracie”.

Alex's Line Of The Episode: ”Yes, my 'bad boy' prom date is gay – he just doesn't know it yet, so basically I'm his 'beard'.  'Pre-beard'.  His 'stubble'.”  She would change that tune somewhat (but not totally) the following fall in “Yard Sale”.

But that's (maybe?) a story for another time. I haven't decided yet what my next retro recap will be, but I will do at least one more this month.
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¹ You have no idea how much I hate that phrase - and yet I'm sort of using it here. Please don't ask.

² We did find out a little about what happened in the next season's opener (“Bringing Up Baby”) which was set on the day after.  Let's leave it at this: Alex seemed more excited about meeting one of her sophomore year teachers while cleaning up afterwards than she was about the rest of the night.

³ This past season's “Commencement” was the most recent, and in many ways it's the mirror image of “Baby On Board” - instead of reducing a big moment in Alex's life to background noise after a strong beginning, they didn't get to Alex (and her graduation from CalTech) until the end. And even then, she wasn't really the focal point once they finally got her there (Claire and Phil focusing on Haley and Luke saving the day).